something of a somewhat

November 3, 2007

You are Never going to be that boy

the boy i call at night when im sad and need cheering up

the boy i just hug and cant let go

the boy who i think about right before i go to sleep wishing he was here

the boy who cuddles with me for hours

the boy whos sholder i hide on during scary moives

the boy you will never be thats the boy i want

so last night as im trying to fall asleep im sitting there txting and i relize that steven will never be the guy i want him to be he just wont no matter how much i want him to be.

 However after i found out i got a bum musical part joe k. kept sending me ultra cute txt messages to cheer me up. Hes one of the boys that will stay up and talk on the phone until u go to bed. too bad i dont want him..yet? mabey i think i just want somone. thats not true i just want steven to be that guy that hes never going to be. So i drank on Halloween and i think kyler found out i use to have a cute crush on kyler but now hes like just a good friend who i promised that i wouldnt drink or smoke nemore and he gets mad. AGAIN another friend of stevens i really cant escape him i dont know how we didnt meet before this summer because really everyone im friends with are friends with him. Well thats just my life. i was supost to hang out with sam last night. i didnt i feel asleep i really needed sleep i keep wakeing up at like 2 in the morning with a terrible feeling that something is wrong. So if ur reading this your prob think what a whiny little teenager but really its so much more than that ive been in and out of the hospital since age 11 im not 16 ive have 12 surguerys and now my mother has brestcancer o and did i mention my dads the A-typical douch bag male father who cant deal with real human emotions? Yea my life sucks..



im hanging out with sam tonight and getting wasted i decided


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