All the things she said, all the things she said running though my head.

I feel bad that the olny time i blogg is when im extremly depressed. well im in one of those stages again. the ones where i cant deal with anyone. The weird thing is it was diffrent this time. before i got all punch babies, throw chairs sleep for 16 hours mode im ushly sad. but this time i was extremly happy, then it was 10 o’clock sundaynight right after three days of musical and i just started freaking out haveing a panic attack like a full blow im gunna die the world is ending panic attack. Then i puked, i never get phyiscaly ill. woke up the next day and well i didnt really wake up. i couldnt get outta bed. it felt like i had a 300 pound weight on me. i rewoke up at 10ish to find my mother calling the doctors all worried about me. idk life sometimes ya kno? then i puked again, so along with haveing full blown panic attacks i now have a stomac thing. great…O and if my life wasnt ironic enough after i finished pukeing on monday i turned on the television and true life i have panic attacks was on. GRRR. Umm other than that muscial was fun, school is already sucking. My friends are eaither happy or emo pissy little cunts. and i still havent seen alex. Valentines day is comming up and im spending it in my favorit place drama club..naht. that place is like a black pit of death its like walking into the emo feeling gaulate. it makes me wanna scream and shank everyone. i need life to get better i need spring to come and soon. i need those days back where me and alex would just where out shorts and buy vitiman waters and lay in the grass all around charlstown, then we have a random adventure around boston and we wouldnt have nething just our ipods, my camera and the sunshine i really miss those days.

i miss sunapee too. but not in the same way, some how its changed for me, i mean in the summer of 2006 i got really skrewed up and being there and hanging out with the people i was, wasnt helping. i miss sunapee in 05 when i just hung out with bree everyday and met new people and feel asleep on the dock and watch tv at hopes house on those days it was too hot to walk around, and when we all use to beg everyone to drive us into town cause no one could drive. now its crap, at least for me. i need life back. i miss being 14 and not knowoing how shitty life really was.

i just wanna get out of hear and eat those little peach candys that smell so good and just be free, i just need one day of that, when my biggest probrblems mealt away and i just relax.