All the things she said, all the things she said running though my head.

I feel bad that the olny time i blogg is when im extremly depressed. well im in one of those stages again. the ones where i cant deal with anyone. The weird thing is it was diffrent this time. before i got all punch babies, throw chairs sleep for 16 hours mode im ushly sad. but this time i was extremly happy, then it was 10 o’clock sundaynight right after three days of musical and i just started freaking out haveing a panic attack like a full blow im gunna die the world is ending panic attack. Then i puked, i never get phyiscaly ill. woke up the next day and well i didnt really wake up. i couldnt get outta bed. it felt like i had a 300 pound weight on me. i rewoke up at 10ish to find my mother calling the doctors all worried about me. idk life sometimes ya kno? then i puked again, so along with haveing full blown panic attacks i now have a stomac thing. great…O and if my life wasnt ironic enough after i finished pukeing on monday i turned on the television and true life i have panic attacks was on. GRRR. Umm other than that muscial was fun, school is already sucking. My friends are eaither happy or emo pissy little cunts. and i still havent seen alex. Valentines day is comming up and im spending it in my favorit place drama club..naht. that place is like a black pit of death its like walking into the emo feeling gaulate. it makes me wanna scream and shank everyone. i need life to get better i need spring to come and soon. i need those days back where me and alex would just where out shorts and buy vitiman waters and lay in the grass all around charlstown, then we have a random adventure around boston and we wouldnt have nething just our ipods, my camera and the sunshine i really miss those days.

i miss sunapee too. but not in the same way, some how its changed for me, i mean in the summer of 2006 i got really skrewed up and being there and hanging out with the people i was, wasnt helping. i miss sunapee in 05 when i just hung out with bree everyday and met new people and feel asleep on the dock and watch tv at hopes house on those days it was too hot to walk around, and when we all use to beg everyone to drive us into town cause no one could drive. now its crap, at least for me. i need life back. i miss being 14 and not knowoing how shitty life really was.

i just wanna get out of hear and eat those little peach candys that smell so good and just be free, i just need one day of that, when my biggest probrblems mealt away and i just relax.

Marsha Marsha Marsha

I live with two physcos.

my parents make my life so much harder than it already is. im depressed and some how my moms like well jenn ur not the olny one who gets depressed. and ur depression is being targeted toward me. No it isnt bitch, u just keep comming in my room every five mins asking me dumb questions. Jenn ur really makeing me feel bad. jenn u make me feel bad. jenn stop yelling at me. ITS ALL ABOUT HER isnt it.

someone please tell me im not crazy and my mother really is a loon

Long time no Blog?

so finally got some ass yesterday.

my little red friend comes at the worst times.

Madd depressed. Still

I hate drama club now. its evil and a posins enviorment.

it snowed today. not enought to miss school tummrow or nething. but when i woke up and looked out the window it was so peace fully. un distrupted wonderland. so i just went back to sleep it was nice.

latly ive been madd obssed with cleaing my room.

my debit card has a weird amount of debt becaus the company is madd stupid.

life sucks

Kiss me, beneath the milky twilight

So this weekend hasnt been so bad. i did yesterday what ive been ACHinggggg to do for a long time, which was get my old film pentex k100 camera out and take pictures.

<3333333

 which was slowly ruined by the 1 hour and 30 mins it took me to go to charlstown and back on the Train to give alex her weed. then i got back and it was picked up again. I had a strawberry and nutella crepe <3. then i chilled on the train pass over where i was reminde dim not a hidoues hag by a very cute im gunna say like 20-23 year old guy whos like a skater kid hitting on me.

Then Bohan and lila showed up. and we smoked MADDD KB. which made me high and then we drove around with jilly billy and got lost ❤ love getting lost. My night however was ruined by my father who told me to come home at 8 o’clock. and when i got home he left. yes get that? then my mother woke up at like 930-945 ish and was like why are u home so earley. ItsK thou i charged pizza to his credit card.

 then i feel asleep high ❤

and THERES NOT SCHOOL TUMMROW

WOOT WOOT

i have an utter need to go sleading!

Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up? Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?

massivly depressed. life is just like crap. im never truely happy and i cant think back to a time when i ever was truely happy. Out with the old and in with the new? well it seems lately in my life its more like in with the old. back to the old dissgusting habbits i once hold to make me happy. but now i relize that a cheap thrill cant make me truely happy ever. So ive decied my new years resolution. i mean i know its the 8th and all but i think that this year im not gunna promis ill quit something, or do something, or get better grades, cause those are all empty promises that everyone ushly breaks a week after they have made them so this year the year of 2008 im trying to achive true happyness, nirvan, peace of mind.

Im not useing drugs as an outlet for pain anymore. i mean its not like im going to quite but im not gunna be like AHHH im so pissed someone light my joint. i cant do that anymore i just cant. I truely hate being 16. i really really do. I think im gunna get something periced like my lip, or my nose, or get a monroe. i think im going to stop thinking about everything so much. stop over anylizing. i think the reason im not truely happy is because i think way to much about being happy. when i get up in the morning will this outfit make me happy, or if i just had this, or if this person would just give me a second chance. then ill be happy.

So im done searching. Im done thinking about my future, im done thinking about everything. IM LIVEING FOR TODAY. because it could all be over tummrow. I dont need more friends, i dont need a boy. IM DONE, over, finished.

if its ment to be it will come.

Creative Writing sucks

so im sitting hear in creative writing and i hate it cause i hate creative writeing, its too struchured.  I was high every day of vacation with the exception of three days. i think i went a little over.  So random thoughts of the day;

Hitler was an individual. i mean think about it he wanted all people that were not blue eyed and blond haired to face genecide. yet he him self did not have blond hair or blue eyes i truely think it was because he wanted to stand out. and he had mommy issues because he mother was  a jew and she deff fucked him up as a child.

another random though; why is it like bashed into our brains from birth that its not socialy acctable for women to date younger men yet men as old as 90 can date 20 year olds and get away was a shameful look. i mean im not going all mary k laturno on u or nething but really think about it. WHY WHY WHY?!

i want jolly ranchers

Christmas « A Day in the Life

Christmas « A Day in the Life

Christmas

was amazingly awsome

i got everthing i wanted. legit everything. which made me extra happy. I hung out with andrea today and got her gift which matched my outfit and made me happy &then we chilled with cullen and met these kids we kno from school, my friend sara hates this girl, but actuly shes really nice and i liked her alot and her boyfriend is really nice as well.

On some sadder notes. I need a boy, anything will do really, Tummrow im hanging out with cullen and his friends hope one of them is cute&nice.

Andrea wants steven back, steven wants andrea back but they both wont admit it. Stupid bitches if u like someone just go for it i mean really. Im not really fighting with anyone right now, i was for a little with kemmpers but that was rezolved (kinda, i hope). I dont kno i dont think we will ever be really good friends again, i could be wrong thou.

Im failing legit everthing in school, like everything cause ive missed so much. im not failing like english, clothing and drama wrkshop.

sasjdkashdaj : (

Still cant fully shake it. i kinda miss my old friends, not that i dont love my now friends i really do love them. but i miss rae sunny and seamus but obv. they dont miss me.

Long time no BLOG?

So hey whats up…yea life has been well its been good but i cant shake the feeling of depression for more than a few days which sucks over all because i like being happy and i just cant anymore no matter what i do.

So updates on people

me well ive been ok nothing really that new except im smoking like crazy now i kno its really bad but i just cant help it i like feend for Weed and Ciggs.

My friends lets see alex dearest got a job so she can pay for drugs which makes me happy

Kim im pretty shure is pissed at me cause i dont hang out with her anymore.

Sammy C. is just Chillen we both need boy action soon or we will end up cat ladys.

Andrea is kinda down she broke up with steven, which actuly is sad to me in some weird way?

Steff and Joe the sagga contuies

NO ONE WANTS ME.

Legit this is the first time in like years that i havent had a special person that i like even if i have no chance with them. i like NO ONE and NO ONE really likes me, but for some reason people keep offering me sex, which on normal curcumstances i would take my thearpit says i need to develope a more healthy reletionship with guys.

Other than that life is really just Blah im failing like most of my classes because i just havent been going, which sucks. XMAS is soon i need to do somemore shoping. And im getting an ipod which makes me happy cause i havent had one since the minis where the newest thing out there, it was stolen two weeks after i got it in summer 05* yea ew but im getting a new one so yeaaaaaaaa. ok

TAFN

thats all for now

I hate life

so life.

um yea

it kinda sucks

im tired my parents wont get off my back. like for real my mom is a rageing physco bitch and my dad is an insentive jackass fool. Im sick. im always sick now. my tooth hurts. my life hurts. maois dnt work nemore theyll prob up my dosage. i have two papers due tummrow and i dont wanna do them. People are emo for real. Generation Emo. Joe C. is emo. Joe K. is emo. Steff is emo. andreas kinda emo. alex is emo. i am emo. FUCKING CHRIST.

i just wanna sleep all the time now. but i keep going out becuase if i stay in i get really upset. ive been in my house for 2 days now and its getting me really really down. but nowi cant bring myself to leave. its like i want to go out but i really dont want to face life. i figure if i stay in my room and never leave life will just foget about me. WHY is this happening i dont know why. i dont like school. acutly i hate it, i wanna go to a school for preforming arts, even thou im not as good as i thought apparently, since i dont get good parts in nething at all.

 i should just crawl in a hole and die

not like neone would notice neways.